Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Manners Make Us Memorable

          Manners make us memorable, either as courteous, compassionate folks, or as people who practice acceptable social customs out of obligation and respect for traditions, or even as hypocrites who use politeness to disguise disdain. Here, in poetry, are some thoughts about manners:

Definitely!
by Susan L. Lipson

They agreed that it was fabulous to reconnect after so long,
that they needed to get together--DEFINITELY!
And that old sentiments renewed should be called "resentiment."
They laughed together, then exchanged phone numbers, emails, smiles, and hugs.
She texted her long-lost friend the next day, to say how thrilled she felt to be back in touch.
The text evoked a "ditto" and a smiley face in reply. 
And that reply evoked an invitation to get together,
which remained unanswered for two days, 
before being re-sent, along with the words, "You probably didn't get my text, so…".
A day later she re-sent the text again, and then re-sent a new one,
and finally, "resentiment" became RESENTMENT.
And "definitely" became a lie.



You’re Welcome 
by Susan L. Lipson

You’re welcome—to take your place
below her,
once you’ve finished gushing,
“Thank you so much for your help--thank you!”
and she replies nonchalantly,
“You’re welcome,”
but never, “Thank YOU—
Thanks for asking me.”
No, that would mean
you’re welcome
to bother her again,
and clearly you’re not.
To thank someone for effusive thanks
creates balance,
equates giving and receiving,
and negates power of one over another.
“You’re welcome,” blithely uttered,
implies a privilege granted,
a favor tallied,
and only rarely a follow-up offer
to “feel free to ask again, anytime.”

Sympathy Cards 

She called to ask whether we received her sympathy card,
and whether we knew that she had made a donation in memory
of our dearly departed.
She didn’t ask how we are coping with the loss.
She didn’t even mention my mom-in-law's name,
or any memory of times spent with her.
She was just wondering—“no pressure, of course!”—
since she’d never received a thank-you card.
“But that really doesn’t matter, of course,” she assured me,
“since I’m sure you’ve been so busy since….”
And then she assured me yet again: “You know, dear, that you have
my sincere sympathy, in any case—
card or no card.”

Whose card did she mean?

And why must I thank her for mere sympathy,
which is like a carefully wrapped package of nothing,
without the true gift of Empathy rattling within.

Sympathy is what you SHOW to others; Empathy is what you FEEL for them.
Sympathy is external; Empathy is internal.
Sympathy is a polite action; Empathy is a compassionate one.
Sympathy is expected in polite society; but Empathy is a welcome, cherished surprise.
Sympathy can be expressed by greeting cards; Empathy is only expressed in sincere words and/or hugs.
Sympathy is announced; empathy is understood.
Sympathy shows caring; Empathy creates sharing.
Sympathy is to shine another’s beaten-up shoes; Empathy is to wear those shoes.

Loss is cluttered by the sympathetic shoe-shiners,
But simplified by those who share our burdens,
Leaving us a smaller fraction of grief to bear alone.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Why We Get in Trouble Sometimes Via Text Messages and Emails

The absence of tone in today's rushed forms of communication is where the trouble lies. Tone is as important as words themselves when it comes to clear communication. The problem with texting and emailing quick notes is that tone is often left up to inserted smiley faces or punctuation (often misused), which hasty readers may overlook or misread, resulting in misunderstandings galore! What we can’t hear, even if only in our heads, often hurts us in terms of understanding the intentions of someone’s words. Thinking about the many “insert-cursor-in-mouth” moments I’ve encountered or heard about from others, I decided to post the following poem to illustrate how specific words are the key to understanding the tone behind the message.

Aah, It’s All in the Tone
by Susan L. Lipson

“Aah!”
Slurping hot chicken soup on a cold day, or…
Spilling hot soup on my lap;

“Aah!”
Pulling a muscle, or…
Having that sore muscle massaged;

“Aah!”
Feeling inspiration strike for a new story, or…
Typing “The End” after the rush of inspiration wanes;

“Aah!”
Basking under a hot shower after a week of camping in the wilderness, or…
Discovering that the water heater broke while you were camping—no hot water!

“Aah!”
Enjoying a gorgeous view a forest, or…
Watching, horrified, as fire consumes the forest.

“Aah!”
Swaying in a hammock between fragrant pines, or…
Falling out of the hammock onto the hard ground.

“Aah!”
It takes more than sound to hear tone.

Writers: To meet our goal of affecting and connecting with readers via memorable words, we must not leave tone to the white space between the lines; we must create tone via imagery.